I won’t be talking about computers today. I’ll be talking about what most of us lack. Something that we all need. The source of our misery and our happiness. Something that we don’t like to talk about because opens us up and makes us vulnerable. And some would say weak. It’s all about love. And programming. And re programming.
We all ‘fall’ in love several times in all our lives. Sometimes deeper than others do. And we say to ourselves that this time is going to work. It’s going to work only if s/he will… long list here:
-Kiss me under the mistletoe
-Bring me flowers
-Give me a great bj
-Make me laugh till I cry
-won’t cheat on me
-won’t leave the toilet seat up
And so on…
That’s redemptive and has nothing to do with love.
You see, kissing a frog won’t make him be a prince in the end. That’s what they’re trying to say by loving unconditionally. Don’t get attached of the result. Most of the relationships fail because we jump in the unknown, hoping we will find some light there. The Sun doesn’t rise when you want. Rises when He wants.
The same with your partner. Won’t shine if you want to. Will shine when s/he’s ready. Won’t bring you flowers just because you like romantic films. Maybe he likes the films with Chuck Norris and he wants to try un uppercut on you.
Open your eyes widely when you first meet someone. Before you start dreaming of a prince on a white horse, make sure he is a prince. He can buy the horse later. And if he’s not a prince, don’t dream about making him to become one. Expectations bring disappointments. And love is freedom, not restriction.
Love it’s not the films we see, it’s not what ‘happy’ couples post on social media, it’s not your parents nor your friends stories. We all have our own unique way to express our feelings.
Go back in your first relationships and see what went wrong. See what expectations you had, and dive deeper. Look where these beliefs came from. Most of us have an idea of how love should be. We might have seen a film or might have heard a friend’s story. He’s a wealthy man, strong in body and mind and falls in love with that poor naïve girl and get married, make some babies. Happy end. So, we’ll start neglecting our true emotions and start looking for that man. And when we find someone appealing, and he’s not what we have imagined, we feel downhearted. And we’ll be trying to fix him. Giving him directions, just like in that story, of how to become that man.
If you’re lucky enough and you’re still in love with your first partner, you must know something deep inside.
I agree with others when they say love is a mental disorder. But that’s the love coming from an imbalanced hormonal discharge. You lose your head in the clouds and hang in there. Because serotonin, oxytocin and other ‘love hormones’, act like an anaesthetic. They numb your feelings of unworthiness. It’s amazing how someone can make you feel worthy, appreciated, the only bird in the nest, and you’ll start thinking that’s love. But what if someone would take this away from you? You’ll be again alone, with that feeling of worthless. You’ll feel something is missing, your other half. You’ll try to replace that love with another one, in order to feel complete again.
But please allow me to tell you something that I’ve learned. And took me a while to realize that… I am enough. I am already complete, and I don’t need someone to make me feel worthy. Because I know my worth. I’ve paid the price of this truth. I am, maybe, still paying for it, but the result is liberating, that’s true freedom.
Human love comes and goes, we make an energetic exchange. And when we have filled our cup we might be going on different paths or, find something else to keep us composed, either hung in the relationship, getting the fear of being alone again. If you already feel complete, and time to say goodbye comes, you’ll have someone to go back to. That’s yourself, my dear friend.
You see the frog as a frog with the potential of becoming a prince. When he is just a frog. Choose the prince from the begining and you won’t have to expect him to transform. Open your eyes when you think you’re ‘falling’. Because you may end up banging your head against the concrete. Expect him/her to do nothing for you and allow yourself to be surprised.
Choose wisely. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. You’ll know you deserve more when you had less and didn’t feel good. Was misery. We all deserve to love and to be loved.
Before sharing our love with others, we need to know how to love ourselves. We need to know who we are and what we deserve. And then to fall. With someone who has the same strong beliefs as you. Who respects him/ herself, so s/he can give you the respect you merit. And if you fall from there, you will land in safe arms.
Don’t be harsh to yourself. Love takes practice. Think about it as a training. More you practice, better you become. Start being curious about yourself and others. Apply what you have learned. If doesn’t feel good, do it again with different mindset. Do it until feels perfect. Stay open to receive. Be open to give. Fill your cup and then, fill the other’s one. Play fair. Allow yourself to drown and to come back to the surface. The light will shine brighter after you dove deeply in stormy waters.