Big boys don’t cry

Yes, nowadays, boys must have muscles, fancy cars and white teeth. And, of course, ladies have to have big boobs, delicious lips and long legs. The other ones, are rubbish. Let’s just chuck them in the bin.

In one of my previous articles, I tried to explain, how looks and appearance are misjudged. See more here From a skinny b*tch, with love, for all the girls with curves

We try to be perfect outside, in order to fill our incompleteness within. No matter how amazing we look, we’ll still be feeling empty. Is like being hunger and covering ourselves with bacon.

Idolising the body, we ignore the personality, the hole, the holistic approach of a human being.

Some of us will experience anxiety or depression, I’m not qualified to talk about this, but in my job, as a nurse in care homes, I could observe the progress of anxiety. Most people become anxious from the lack of activities or from not having someone to talk to, to open themselves, to express their concerns and feelings. I’ve been there. Despite I had a lot of friends, I felt sometimes not being totally understood.

alone-2666433_1920.jpgI’ve been anxious, depressed, ready to give up on life. But fortunately, I am here to share my story. I tried to give up since child, as in my culture, at that time was a sort of rule: children had to do as they parents said, no matter if that would be wrong or right, if not, they would be punished. In many ways. These days this would be called abuse. I have always been a rebel, wanting to do things my way. I never obeyed their rules, if they wouldn’t suit me. I’ve been that kid that all parents would never want to have. Because I knew who I meant to be. Not a sheep, anyway.

sadness-831514_1920.jpgThe lack of trust my parents had for me, and those imposed rules and punishments, made my life, at that time, unbearable. And I tried the ‘short cut’ to freedom. But something pulled me back. Was too late when my mum took me to the hospital. They said it’s a matter of luck if I stay or if I go. I don’t believe in luck, so, must be a reason for still being here.

Growing up, I felt I can’t let go my past, and that was pulling me back. I went to psychologist for a while as I noticed a pattern in my life. We followed Adler’s therapy which is based on solving childhood trauma, as in his beliefs, that is the root of becoming a ‘broken’ adult. This therapy gave me some insights and solved some things, but the work was just started. I never could go further without understanding why. And I always asked the reason behind any unpleasant outcome a situation would have. I keep on talking in my articles about practice. But this practice made me these days to know the answer, even before something would happen. Someone would call this psychic, but that’s another subject and I will cover it another time.

Last year, after years of meditation- which by the way, I thought meditating was just staying in lotus position and thinking about life- I managed to keep my mind quiet. They say to try to think about nothing, easy for them, but try to practice that. Anyway, in that stillness, something happened. I had an ‘experience’, Buddhism adepts would call it Kundalini rising, other just awakening. And something changed. I became a totally different person. The days of getting attached of things or people were gone. The days of suffering were away. Sometimes, I go back in the past and I wish I could have had this ‘wisdom’, but I suppose, I had to go through all I’ve been, for becoming who I am today  . Paolo Coelho has a nice approach to the one’s journey towards finding himself, in his book The Alchemist.

I, now, can understand people’s behaviour and the reason behind being and acting the way they do. I see the sadness in the ‘happiest’ person, and I know the one who laugh the loudest, is the one who feels the emptiest inside.  I know that the bully or the aggressive person need the most to be loved.

Please stop and talk to that stranger who seems to be lost. He may be on his way to ‘take the shortcut’.

emotions-2764936_1920.jpg         Unfortunately, not all of us can deal with            depression and most of us will feel                        embarrassed to ask for help.frustrated-1174084_1920-1.jpg

Because in these days big boys don’t cry. And that’s not true. They cry, they are scared, they want to be loved and they have a lot of love to give. They just don’t know how to do it. Encourage your beloved ones, to express themselves, to ask for professional help when they feel overwhelmed. Be there for them. As one day, you may regret for not doing so.

female-alcoholism-2847443_1920.jpgI Want to warn you though, stay awake in all this ‘being there for them’ process as you may end up by sinking with the ship.

 

 

 

I dedicate this article to my friends, Anne and Patrice, who both have lost their beloved sons to suicide. May God rest them in peace!

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