Leven, Fife

I’ve seen it a lot in my coaching practice and all around me. I’ve lived with it for almost my entire life. How many times a day you think you or someone else says ‘I don’t have time’ / ‘I don’t have the money’/ ‘I don’t have the knowledge’? And where is the truth?

Definitely you could find the time for something that has to be done or for something or someone who you love. And what about the money? Most of us manage to go through the month and to find the money for having some fun as well. Even if we don’t go on a cruise, we still do some travelling. And knowledge? Well that’s a tricky one.

I’ve seen so many successful people doubting themselves and still playing small for their potential. Their certificates and diplomas could fill an entire wall. And even with all that, they didn’t have enough knowledge. I like to challenge them by asking : how do you know when it’s enough?

This playing small game of not having enough resources is defined as the impostor syndrome.

The impostor syndome is explained as actions which undermine people because of their self doubt, or beliefs that their accomplishments or their capabilities of doing things, are not sufficient, being afraid of not being perceived by others as a ‘fraud’.

Going back to the story of the bully and the tiny me, I want you to ask yourself when did all started? When did you stop believing in yourself? Or can you recall a time when you thought you were on the ball?

Go back and count your successes, even if it’s a small thing like cutting down the sugar in your coffee or looking great one day. Believe the people around you when they tell you you’re smart or pretty. Not all of them want to get in your pants. Why would they lie to you with this regard? Why would someone encourage you to make the jump if they wouldn’t believe you could? What do you think others have and you don’t?

The small voice playing in the background saying ‘who do you think you are?’ is getting louder each day when you listen to it. Because it’s dimming your courage and makes you feel small, until you become small just to prove that voice s/he’s right.

Because that voice was real before, when you had the courage to confront one of your parents or teachers. And the only answer you got was ‘who do you think you are?’.

But now, you are who you are and you don’t have to prove anyone something else. You rely only on yourself, even if you are alone or in a partnership or marriage. You’ve done amazingly by being here today and deep down you know you have the strength to start all over again.

Start counting you successes big or small, start feeling again proud of each realisation, each contribution you had to someone’s life, each raise you had after a fall. Every chapter of your life is precious to someone you know. Every fall you had is an example of how to stand up gracefully, every idea you have can light a bulb.

In each of us lies an architect who is able to design great things. But only if she /he dares.