Leven, Fife

I think this is the era of depression, anxiety, burnout, divorce, suicide and all the things that come from self neglect.

We are encouraged to be the best and it’s still a shame to go to see therapists. We are concerned of how others would see us, how our employers could replace us or how our partners may leave us if we’re not all in. Therefore we go all in and we forget how important we are, how crucial it is to take care of ourselves.

I promote self care, self love and self growth. I hear often clients and friends talking about being selfish, but if you change the angle of view becomes selfless in a different light.

So let’s get practical. Imagine the next scenario.

You are in a relationship and you put your dreams aside because you want to nurture and to build a strong connection between you and your partner.

But, you slowly start to die inside. You are afraid to talk about your dreams, you stop growing because there is no time left to take care of yourself. Your mood goes low, you’re more irritable and this starts to affect your relation. Your partner may not know what’s happening and s/he could blame his/ herself for not being able to help, to support you. How selfless is this?

Let’s focus on your selfish bit now. You know you’re going to make love to your partner. So you take time to prepare. You brush your teeth, you take a shower, get shaved and put some cream and perfume on. You take time for your self care because you know your partner likes it. How selfish it’s that?

So why would be selfish to take care of your mind and spirit? To read a book, to go to a gym/yoga class, to take time to relax, to buy yourself that nice dress or shirt you always wanted to buy, to invest time in your dreams and then to return to your partner or your job more CONFIDENT, PREPARED, KNOWLEDGEABLE. How would that be selfish?

Investing time in your self care brings benefits to all around you. A better and confident you improves your work capacity and your love live. Dedicating yourself 100% to a relationship or work will leave you with no energy. And with no energy you become useless to yourself and to others.

No one promised us it will be easy. Life it’s a carousel with ups and downs. It’s hard to find the balance. It’s hard to say no, it’s hard to think we disappoint others. But how does it feel when we disappoint ourselves, going out when we want to stay in and to relax, or to work on our projects.

Let’s do some coaching now. Ask yourself the following questions.

  • Why do I feel selfish when I take care of myself?
  • Do I think I deserve the best for myself? Why am I thinking that?
  • How would I feel if I start to invest time in myself? And how would this improve my love life and my work?

It’s ok not to be ok. We all lose it sometimes. Balance comes from experiencing the highs and lows, from making mistakes and from understanding what we like and what we don’t. That’s learning, that’s growth. We all go through all that. And THAT’S OK!

I am a full time nurse, a life coach, a hypnotist, a stress management and relaxation practitioner, a reiki master, a blogger, trying to nourish a long distance relationship. I have all tools and knowledge I need for having a ‘perfect’ life. But I don’t. Because life it’s messy, it’s demanding, it’s unpredictable and exciting in the same time. I had so many falls so far, but I became an expert of pulling myself up from the floor, dress my wounds and move forward, more experienced and knowledgeable. I seek support from friends, I have a coach and I see therapists. Because I understand how important I am for my family, my friends, my partner, my job. I don’t have time, but I make time. I can’t pour from an empty cup, I can’t help my clients or deliver care to others if I’m not in the right state of mind. So how selfish am I? It’s that weakness or strength?

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