Who we are is not our fault, but who we become is our responsibility.
We are a construct of values we are taught by our family, care givers, society, religion. We become what we think is good and suitable for us. Some of these concepts may have good intentions, coming from people who love us. But even they have their own limitations.
What’s your relation with other people? Are you a people pleaser, trying to make anyone happy? You probably heard your parents saying ‘be nice to other people’ or you may just love the reaction you receive, may it be acceptance or validation. Sort of ‘I’m good to you, therefore I exist, I’m valuable, worthy and I feel appreciated.’ Don’t get me wrong, we all want to be helpful, but how feasible is to help everyone?
What’s your relation with money? Are you saving as much as you can? You may have heard your parents saying ‘you never know what’s around the corner.’, always living in fear, way too precautious. Or you may spend all what you have and this may come from a sense of unworthiness. Or simply… ‘money is the root of all evil’, so let’s spend all what we have.’
How do you feel about your job? Do you love it? Or it just pay the bills? Is this job offering you a status, making you feel more accepted and integrated? But how do you feel deep inside? How good you feel you are un doing your job? Are 100% in?
It’s not your fault for who you are. You’ve done great so far, trying to be someone accepted and valued. Which both lead to a sense of purpose, or feeling safe. But once you start to mature, it becomes your responsibility to stop blaming circumstances for your unhappiness. We all leave a trace behind us, doesn’t matter how big it is. A smile you give and each small contribution you bring to someone’s life may have a bigger impact than you would think.
Living in this incongruence of self will lead to exhaustion. Trying to be someone who you don’t resonate with, will drain you. Once you become aware of this, of your unhappiness, be kind to yourself. Don’t judge the lack of knowing but instead be grateful for finding your source of unhappiness. Once we become aware of something, we will find the right methods to improve or to free ourselves.
Life is a continuous process of learning and growing so don’t forget to be loving and kind to yourself all the way through.
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