Leven, Fife

Just wanted to put out a short message for those who feel some sort of a pressure for this Valentine’s day. If you’re single and you feel it’s hard to cope with having no one to hug this Valentine’s, keep scrolling.

If you’re in a relationship and your partner doesn’t meet your needs, you may find interesting to see a different perspective.

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Here are some things I’ve learned from being single for more than 6 years which I would like to share with you.

What you see on social media is what others want to show you. Those love declarations and those huge bunches of flowers is not everything that happens in someone’s life. Not many will post pics of them being teary or feeling lonely.

In my last relationship, I had all what a girl could have dreamed about. Cars, fancy holidays and expensive gifts, but those couldn’t compensate my pain when my ex was receiving messages from other girls, when he was on dates with other women, that feeling of not being enough for someone was damn killing me inside. I thought I had to be in a relationship and I felt like I was a failure if I would give up. Especially when my parents were expecting me to be ‘normal’ and just to settle down just like all their friends’ children. I stayed for 5 years, but the last year… I felt like a bird in a cage, suffocating, wanting to give up. And I did, gave up on him and moved 2000 km away. I made a dramatic change to my life, changed country, haircut, job, friends, I run away from a culture and from anything that reminded me of how much love could hurt. I found this idea of detachment that Buddhists talk about, as being a huge revelation to me. I’ve been judged a lot for who I was, but if I hadn’t made that step, I couldn’t have found myself. Sometimes we need to let go to things and people who aren’t aligned with who we are. A price those growth or truth seekers need to pay.

Myself being a rebel and shaved half of my head. 🙈🙈🙈 Just one of those women going through a breakup and changing their hair style. Sometimes, when we are afraid of doing more meaningful changes, we just go with the easier option. True change though, comes always from inside out.

But did I post this on social media? At that time was too embarrassing. All of us try to show to the world how loved we are, how appreciated we are. But are we really? Do we really feel that way? Stop believing all what you see on social media. Don’t believe what I say either. Do your own research and then decide how real Valentine’s day is, how real couples are and how much affected you are when you compare yourself to others.

Does love need celebrated? Hell yes! True love needs celebrated each day. Is something so rare in these days, but does it need a specific day for being celebrated? Make an effort and open your eyes. Do you really need a day to prove your love? Love and partnership are a long-term investment. A bunch of flowers once a year, is that what love is?

There are happy couples as well, but they don’t have time to share this with the world. They live their love story too deep for having time to prove their love to any of us.

Step out of the crowd. Holidays aren’t cosy only if you drink Coca Cola with your family, love is not happening just on Valentine’s day, not all successful people wear suits and not everyone is as happy as they want to look like. Be yourself this Valentine’s. Single or in a relationship, play with what you have. Is being single so bad? What about those who play the happy game in a relationship just to please their parents, to prove the world around them they are worthy, giving all their resources to meet someone else’s expectations?

If you’re single now, you can choose to see this as a blessing, as an opportunity to grow, to meet your partner from a place where you have something to bring to the table. To have enough value to help your love relationship grow. Start with loving yourself, so you can show him or her how you like to be loved. Do you really enjoy being a victim of the faith? Or do you want to be in driver’s seat, creating your own faith? Just imagine that you can actually create your destiny. How would this look like?

Whether you are single or in a relationship, just for this year’s Valentine’s day, give your time and attention to someone you love. Whether is yourself, your friends, your family, or your partner. Love is not expensive. But lust is. Love as you would like to be loved. Love anyone you meet. Share a smile, be kind, share your time, your attention with someone who loves you. Whether this person is someone else or yourself. And make yourself a favour. Don’t buy into all what you see. Use your brain, it won’t hurt, I promise.

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