Values. Curse in disguise?

Today I feel inspired and safe enough within myself to share something with you.


It felt embarrassing for a while to admit this, even to myself. And sharing this with you, in the context of me being the ‘expert’ to whom people come for their answers…But I’ll take the chance, as I know you may get some value from this.


So, let’s talk values. And let’s see why they can be poisonous.



In other words, we need Sun/light for plants to grow, but we need the night/dark to avoid them getting burnt.


We need to do a lot of things but we have to pause/rest/sleep to recharge. I think you are familiar with the term of burnout.


We need to go through experiences that seem unpleasant for getting a chance to feel how is to be a victim. In the same way, we’ll be at some point the perpetrator for someone, so we can understand those who have done us wrong. And that’s the way to understand kindness and empathy. That goes deeper to our power of making choices, but that’s a story for another time.


So, let’s talk values. The main drivers in your life. The beliefs that guide you through life. And the beliefs that prevent you from achieving greatness if you’re not aware of them.
Remember the contrast. And keep your mind open.


I’ll share a value exercise that my clients play with, in order to get clearer and identify blockages.
Click here for the exercise

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.” Gandhi


One of my core values is growth. And that’s what I’ll be talking about today. If you aspire to reach your highest potential, keep reading.


Let’s take for example growth conflicting with connection. Sometimes, we have to take a break from seeing our peers or our beloved ones in order to create that time and space for us to grow. A plant can’t grow if it stays in the small pot. And neither do you.

Or, sometimes we overgrow people or they overgrow us and we lose that connection.

You know when your values are conflicting because it will feel wrong. Even if you can’t find an explanation. You’ll feel a struggle in taking decisions, in moving forward with your life. You’ll experience remorse, guilt or shame. Those feelings, the same as physical pain, are there to remind you that something is not quite right. And sadly…it’s your job to identify the cause.


Growth is an amazing ‘hobby’, but when it becomes a 24/7 job, gets toxic. And here is why:


The forever student syndrome


It’s lovely to see people being curious, exploring, eager to know and to be more. But why do they want all this? And more important, why do you want to grow?
What’s the story behind? Pause reading and answer to this question.

Now, let’s get intimate. And allow me to share my story of getting addicted to learning and growing. I share it because… I know some growth ‘junkies’ as myself, out there.

My story is that… I’ve never been good enough for one of my parents. And then, I wasn’t doing amazing in school either. I’ve never understood why should I learn so many things that wouldn’t serve me later. After I’ve done my job (trying to be) as a good daughter and I wasted 4 years for going to Law University… I decided that I actually… want to learn and grow. But not in the direction where others wanted me to. Human body always fascinated me. And because I care about people, and because of my frustration coming from seeing my grandmother dying, and not being able to do anything for her, I decided to become a nurse. With time, I discovered that is more to life than being a nurse. Or identifying myself as ‘just’ a nurse.

Because I care and I love helping people, I asked myself how can I serve in a different way? In a more powerful way. In a way that empowers and motivates people.

And you can ask yourself this question. If you create the time to search for answers, you’ll be amazed of what comes up.

And that’s how my journey to be a forever student has started.


3 trainings in the same year+ my nursing job+ my trainings to keep my skills as a nurse+ working on my coaching practice+ doing my shadow work. I was on the ball. Riding the wave. And I was still not feeling enough. And then something has happened. My dad has died. Three months after, my mum had a stroke.

In those circumstances I had to stop. I had to cancel one of my trainings for that year. And I am glad I’ve done it. Because…otherwise I wouldn’t have stopped. Those experiences shook me so bad, that I had no option but to see that I am enough. That pause from learning allowed me to see how many things I’ve done in that year. And I learned gratitude. And resilience. Basically, I sort of grew up. 😅


You see, when we’re caught in the ‘tumble drier’. When we’re the player, we don’t get a chance to see how the game goes. Watching the retrospective, may give us a chance to see how did we roll the ball.

Same principle applies to growth. If we don’t pause, we lose the chance to practice what we learned. If we don’t pause, we’ll never feel enough.

And in the end, allow me to repeat myself.
Why are you so willing to grow? How does this serve you? And how does this serve others?

Without going much deeper on a spiritual level. Or talking about ego and pride.
Please allow myself to be more curious about you…
When is enough?
How would you know when is enough?
And do you really have to wait for unfortunate circumstances to make you pause? You’ll never find the time…but you can create it.

I would really love to know how you relate to this.

And I am looking forward to share with you how freedom is actually… bondage. Flip the coin. 😉
And don’t forget about the exercise.

Stay safe!
♥️, Ruxandra

Be the first to reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.