Leven, Fife

Hello you!

Hope you’re well and safe. ❤

Today’s post will help you to assess your relationships. And if you answer the questions bellow, you may get some transformational insights.

Isn’t it wonderful to create strong bonds with people who share similar dreams and values as us? To be around people who are supporting us, encourage us and live by the same principles as we do?

These sort of connections are rare and beautiful. And they may last for a life time. But it’s not always the case. If you want to read more about growth& connection, click on the link.

Today’s post it’s going to help you to evaluate your relationships. Let’s call it ‘relationships health check’.

With more clarity, you’ll feel more comfortable to cut off unhealthy friendships/ relationships. And to appreciate more your real connections.

I want you to have a look at your relation with people around you. How you define relationships with friends, partner, colleagues, parents. It’s not an easy job, but shortly you’ll gain more clarity.

Let’s talk about friendships. Take few minutes and write down the answers.

What traits does someone need to have to earn their status?

Yes, you heard me well. By having expectations from people such as honesty, integrity etc, you may not be very popular, but definitely you’d be less disappointed. From a realistic perspective, who does have time to speak about things that aren’t important just for the sake of it?

For me, a friend, to be a friend and not just a pal, or someone that I know, has to prove themselves worthy to be part of my life.

It may hurt your ears, sounding arrogantly or narcissistic, but I know what I can bring on the table to the people I allow in my life. And I am not taking less from them. That would be really sadistic, wouldn’t it? To always be there for others and no one to be there for me… Would be quite sad I would say.

So, my friends are loyal to me. They don’t judge, but they question. They are recklessly questioning my decisions. Because they know that truth is more helpful than sweet little lies.

My bestie. I quit my job to be with her for her happiest moment of her life. She drove 8 hours, pregnant, on icy roads to be with me when my mum had a stroke. We’re 2000 miles apart, but everytime we see or facetime eachother, feels like nothing has changed.

They are genuinely interested in how I feel and what I do.

They are genuinely happy for my wins, indifferent of how big or small my wins would be.

They show up when I need them the most, without judging the situation I’ve put myself in.

They hold the space and allow myself to open up when I feel ready. They aren’t needy, but if some are, they know I am not feeding their boredom with useless talks about weather or shoes and I am always here for real support. And they respect my boundaries as I do respect theirs.

May sound unrealistic for some, but these people exist and I’m not just lucky or blessed to have them in my life. I am reckless when comes about who I spend time with and I’ve been alone for most of my life. I rather stay alone than having less than what I can give. It’s a choice. And you can choose as well.

We can’t choose who or how we meet. But we choose if we allow people to be more than just an encounter.

So, how do you choose your friends?

If you want to really understand your relationships. If you feel you’re too much of a giver and mostly everytime you end up with no time and energy for yourself… I invite you to dive deeper.

Who are you spending with the most of your time?

What do you share in common?

How those people make you feel?

Here is another thing I want you to do.

And that’s because today it’s about you and not about your friends or people you know. It’s about you, freeing yourself from unhealthy relationships. Investing time and energy in relationships that help you grow& glow.

So, pause reading and ask yourself… One question at the time.

What do I get from spending time with people that don’t fill my cup? That friend/ relative/ partner who always talk about themselves, their problems and never listen to you. Dive deep.

Why does it feel awkward to say NO when I want to say no?

Why do I feel guilt if I refuse helping someone?

How genuine help looks like? Can they do that thing for themselves? Have them tried something else before asking me to do it for them? Or am I the first they call?

Why do they always come to me for help?

What do I have to give up in that moment, so I could go and help them out?

Sometimes we help people because it feels natural to us.

Sometimes we help people because we like them to be grateful to us.

Sometimes we help them because we’ve been conditioned by our parents, society that this is how a friendships should look like.

Or, sometimes we are afraid of ending up alone. And if we are loners means that no one likes us, no one finds value in us, therefore we are useless.

All of these thoughts are normal.

But… who decides your worth?

Is your worth measured in giving up on yourself in order to please everyone else?

At the expense of your time and your wellbeing?

And by wellbeing I mean feeling awkward to refuse someone, questioning yourself if you’re mean if you refuse them. That guilt and other feelings of resentment.

And finally… Can you really help everyone?

You are the one to decide your worth. You are the one who sets limits and boundaries. You are the one who decides either to invest time in relationships that make you grow or to waste time with people who seek atention.

One thing I know for sure.

We all have an expiry date.

If you knew you have few days or weeks to live, who would you spend your time with?